


He isn't you

by ScorchedAngel



Category: Stargate - All Series, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Anal Sex, Casual Sex, First Time, M/M, Unrequited McShep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 06:43:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1500632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorchedAngel/pseuds/ScorchedAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheppard has a crush on Rodney but knows it'll never happen. Then when he realizes Lorne is coming on to him he thinks "What the hell?". </p><p>A McShep fic without the McShep</p>
            </blockquote>





	He isn't you

John Sheppard took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. He could barely remember the journey from his quarters to Major Lorne’s and he was doing his best to block out the conversation that had led him here. He glanced up and down the corridor to check no one was around before knocking on Lorne’s door and adjusting his shirt collar. He knew he was just making himself look more suspicious. He’d been to Lorne’s quarters plenty of times before and for all anyone knew, this time was no different.  
  
He’d known for a while Lorne was gay. Not that Lorne had actually said anything and John sure as hell wasn’t going to ask; but there was something about the way he talked about his old friend Jack back home, and the way he hung around with that one particular Athosian guy. But if he was relaxed about it, John was relaxed about it. A few times when they’d been drinking together John had almost blurted out some pretty gay opinions but had mercifully kept them to himself.  
  
Yet he’d still been pretty surprised last night when he realised Lorne was coming on to him.  
  
They’d been sitting out on a balcony, sharing a bottle of bourbon with some marines. It had gotten so late it was practically early, but no one showed signs of quitting. The other men laughed and pointed over the rail as he and Lorne watched them absent-mindedly. They sat close to the wall on either side of a table they’d dragged out, sipping their drinks and speaking on inconsequential topics.  
  
“You know what I miss?” John said, staring in the direction he imagined Earth would be. “iTunes. I’ve been listening to the same ten albums for years and I always forget to get new music when I’m back home.”  
  
Lorne, who was sitting next to him, gave him a sympathetic smile. “It’s the little things, huh?”  
  
John sighed dramatically and nodded.  
  
“You know,” Lorne said, lowering his voice, “If you want to listen to something different, I have my whole CD collected on an iPod and speakers that would put the Ancients to shame.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah. Come round any time.”  
  
That had brightened John’s mood. “Ok, sure!”  
  
Lorne glanced at their drinking buddies across the balcony before adding, “Or if you’re interested in just…hanging out.”  
  
Sheppard had hesitated before replying. It sounded an awful lot like Lorne was inviting him over to hook up. Lorne took a sip of his whiskey before glancing over at John. Probably checking to see if he’d been listening.  
  
“Tomorrow night?” he’d heard himself say.  
  
Lorne flashed him a grin. “Great, come to my quarters around nine.”  
  
“I won’t be late!” John said enthusiastically before mentally kicking himself for sounding like a dork. He took a sip of bourbon but it did little to dispel the sudden dryness in his throat.  
  
He got abruptly to his feet, making Lorne jump. “I better get some sleep, night guys,” he’d said, loud enough for everyone to hear and made a run for it before anyone had time to answer.  
  
Now here he was. Standing in front of Lorne’s door. About to hang out. He was about to make a run for it when the door slid open and Lorne greeted him with one of his trademark smiles.  
  
“Hi Colonel! Glad you made it. Come on in,” he said cheerfully, leading John inside. Lorne was wearing jeans and a casual blue shirt and it occurred to John he’d somehow never seen the man out of uniform. He was suddenly a little embarrassed he hadn’t thought to change out of his BDUs.  
  
John shuffled in behind him and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, not really sure where to put himself. He couldn’t help glancing at Lorne’s bed, made with military precision. He mentally shook himself and looked back at Lorne who was riffling through a cupboard on the other side of the room.  
  
“I wasn’t sure you’d come, you left in such a hurry last night I thought you’d got spooked,” Lorne said over his shoulder.  
  
“I wasn’t sure I’d come either,” John admitted. “Honestly, I wasn’t totally sure what I was agreeing to.”  
  
“Really?” Lorne said, and spun round to face John. “God Colonel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. This doesn’t have to be anything more than having a drink and listening to some music.”  
  
“No no, relax. I knew what was agreeing to…I guess,” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “I just…I’ve never done this before. What we’re gonna do.”  
  
Lorne gave John and questioning look and took a step towards him. “Listened to music?” he hesitated before adding “Or had sex?”  
  
Oh God, and there it was out in the open. John knew if he was going to plead ignorance and back out, now was his only chance. Instead he just nodded dumbly and said, “Had sex.”  
  
He cringed when he realised what he’s said. “No wait, I mean…not had sex. I had sex. I was married for God sake. I mean had sex with uh…”  
  
“A guy,” Lorne finished for him.  
  
“A guy.”  
  
“Wow, sorry, I just figured…you know,” he paused, staring at John’s face searchingly. “The way you act around Doctor McKay…”  
  
John was pulled momentarily away from the situation at the mention of McKay’s name. He tried to ignore the niggling feeling that this had been about Rodney all along. “McKay? What does he have to do with it?”  
  
“You’re obviously crazy about him.”  
  
“I, uh,” John started, and looked around quickly for a place to sit down. He decided sitting on Lorne’s bed might send the wrong message, so he hurried over to the couch under the window and collapsed onto it. Ok, so maybe he was ‘crazy’ about Rodney. So what? It wasn’t like he was going to act on it. It was just a vicinity based crush. There was no one else around who treated him like Rodney did, as an equal. He buried his face in his hands and groaned. How had this happened?  
  
“Sorry,” Lorne said again, joining John on the couch, “I shouldn’t have said anything. It must be really tough with Rodney being straight.”  
  
“I’m straight,” John said pointlessly.  
  
Lorne sighed heavily. “Maybe this was a bad idea. If I had to work with someone I was in love with, this would be the last thing I’d want.”  
  
It took a moment for Sheppard to process what Lorne had said. “In love?” he laughed, almost hysterically. Was that what this was about? He was in love with someone who couldn’t love him back so instead he was going to jump into bed with the first person who offered?  
  
Lorne got abruptly to his feet. “Look Colonel, maybe this was a bad idea. If you want to leave I won’t—“  
  
“No!” John interrupted, more panic in his voice than he’d have liked. He stood up, blocking Lorne’s path to the door. He exhaled slowly, trying to regain his composure. “No, I want to stay. And hey, call me John, ok?” John did his best to relax. He’d done this with girls countless times and this needn’t be any different.  
  
Lorne smiled and took a step towards him, their bodies almost touching. “Well as long as you’re sure, John. If you change your mind, be sure to tell me, ok?” He wrapped an arm around John’s waist and smiled up at him.  
  
John nodded and smiled back. He placed one hand on top of Lorne’s and used the other to pull him into a kiss. Kissing was easy; he knew how to do that. But even the kiss felt different. As soon as their lips met, the stubble on Lorne’s chin rubbed against his own. He tried to ignore it and concentrate on Lorne’s lips. They were soft, but moved with such conviction John could do nothing but allow himself to be led.  
  
John couldn’t help imagining how they would look if someone walked in on them. The head of military operations making out with his second-in-command. Reluctantly he pulled away and nodded towards the door. “Lock the door.”  
  
Lorne nodded and rushed over to the panel beside the door. John took the opportunity to sit on the edge of the bed. He held in a breath as he started to think about where this was headed.  
  
“Still ok?” Lorne asked as he approached the bed.  
  
“Better than ok,” John replied.  
  
Lorne smiled and stood between John’s legs, gazing down at him. His blue shirt brought out the blue in his eyes, but they were nothing compared to Rodney’s. Rodney was still at the front of his mind when Lorne started kissing him again.  
  
Lorne placed a hand on Sheppard’s shoulder and pushed him back onto the bed. Their lips never parted as John lay back and Lorne straddled his hips. John couldn’t decide what to do with his hands so he placed one on Lorne’s back and the other on his face. He tried not to react when his palm touched the rough hairs on the other man’s cheek but he couldn’t help pulling his hand back slightly. If Lorne noticed, he didn’t say anything.  
  
They kissed like that for almost half an hour, until they were both lying on their side with their chests were pressed together. Their legs were entangled and they each had a hand on the back of the other’s head. John let out a disappointed moan when Lorne broke the kiss and sat up.  
  
“Relax John, I’m not going anywhere,” Lorne said as he started unbuttoning his shirt.  
  
John just sat there in a stunned silence as Lorne opened his shirt to reveal his bare chest. His hands went next to the fly of his jeans but stopped at the first button when he saw John’s face. He smiled gently and gestured towards John’s shirt. “May I?”  
  
John just nodded silently with his mouth half open, and watched in silence as Lorne unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it back over his shoulders. He shuffled down the bed a little and started unlacing John’s boots before pulling them off one at a time and tossing them across the room. John’s breath hitched when Lorne moved back up to unbutton his BDU pants. “Major wait…” he started.  
  
Lorne glanced up at him and smiled. “Jeez, can you call me Evan? Or Lorne at least! What’s wrong?”  
  
John let out a breath. He knew Lorne would stop any time he asked him to, but he realised that time wasn’t now. “Nothing, sorry. I’m just nervous.”  
  
Evan gave him a reassuring smile. John wanted to kick himself when his mind immediately went to Rodney. One of the things John loved about him was when he’d had some brilliant idea to save them all and flashed John a little smile that made him feel like they’d be ok after all.  
  
Before he knew it, he was being kissed again Lorne was half lying on him with his right leg draped across John’s. While John was mostly distracted he had unzipped the fly of his BDUs and was gently tugging on them. John lifted his hips slightly so Lorne could pull them off completely.  
  
John tried to stay relaxed. Someone else’s sheets touching his bare legs seemed to make John very aware of his surroundings. He was also much keener for Evan to take off his jeans now that he was mostly naked himself. He tugged down on a belt loop, hoping the other man would get the message.  
  
Lorne huffed out a laugh, but complied and pushed his jeans and shoes right off the end of the bed so he was wearing just his boxers. Without breaking the kiss he shucked them off as well and threw a knee over John’s legs, straddled him again.  
  
John let out a small gasp when he felt Evan’s cock touch his own through the fabric of his boxers. He was damn hard, and John had never even seen another man’s erection, never mind feeling it. Lorne kept kissing him hungrily, grinding their cock’s together. It was only then John realised how hard he was himself. So much for being straight.  
  
John suddenly decided the fabric of his boxers was too much of a barrier. He reached between them and pulled the elastic down below his balls, his hardness bouncing against his belly. Evan broke the kiss and sat up to allow him better access. John glanced up at him and raised his eyebrows. Lorne gave him a small nod.  
  
John spat in his hand and spread it between his fingers. Without breaking eye contact he took both their cocks in one hand and spread the slick liquid over them.  
  
Evan sucked in a gasp and closed his eyes. “You are so fucking sexy, you know that?”  
  
John grinned and continued rubbing their dicks together. It was the first time he’d ever touched another cock, and while it wasn’t altogether unpleasant, it was still strange.  
  
Evan started thrusting his hips, pushing his cock into John’s hand and sliding their shafts together. John threw his head back against the pillow and squeezed his eyes shut. His cock was throbbing and his eyes were watering and he was willing to admit that, ok, this was really hot. He was determined not to come too soon though, so he squeezed tightly on the base of his cock. Evan stopped thrusting when he realised what he was doing.  
  
Evan placed a hand on John’s chest to steady himself and breathed heavily for a few moments, trying to catch his breath. When John opened his eyes again, Evan was looking down at him, waiting patiently.  
  
“Sorry,” John muttered. “Wanna make this last.”  
  
Evan just smiled. “Hey uh…you want me to bottom this time?”  
  
It took John a moment to realise what he meant. “Oh! I uh…yeah. I guess. That’s…yeah.” Somewhere in the back of John’s mind, a little voice was saying ‘But I want McKay to fuck me’, and disappointment settled in his stomach.  
  
Evan seemed to sense it, “Or not. It’s fine if you want to bottom…More than fine! We’ll just take it slow.”  
  
“Yeah, please.”  
  
Evan closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. “God, I wish I knew what I did to deserve this so I could do it more often.” He shifted his weight off John and pushed him gently onto his side. “Pull your knees up to your chest and make yourself comfortable, this’ll take a while.”  
  
John did as he was told and tried to relax. He was equal parts nervous and excited, and the Pegasus-sized butterflies in his stomach were going crazy. Lorne reached over to his nightstand and pulled something out of the drawer. John assumed (and hoped) it was lube. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard the other man open the cap of a bottle and squeeze something out of it.  
  
“Try to relax, ok? This’ll feel a little weird at first.” Evan said, stroking John’s thigh gently.  
  
John let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and nodded. He flinched when he felt the first touch of Evan’s finger against his exposed hole, but it was more from the cold lube than the invasion. Evan was using one finger to spread lube around the pucker of John’s hole, pressing gently on the pucker every now and then.  
  
When the first finger was pushed inside, John clenched around it. It felt strange to have someone else touching him in such an intimate place, but not entirely uncomfortable. He told himself to relax and tried to concentrate on his breathing, not the intrusion on his ass.  
  
Evan slid his finger in and out gently, gradually picking up the pace for a few minutes until it could push all the way in and out easily. John was definitely feeling more excited than nervous when he felt the tip of a second finger breach his entrance. Evan continued the process with the second and then a third finger.  
  
“You’re a natural,” Evan said, his voice getting rougher.  
  
He rolled John onto his front, and pulled him up onto his knees. John crossed his arms in front of himself and rested his forehead on them, partly for comfort, partly bracing himself. He felt a lot more exposed in that position, ass in the air, so he was relieved when Evan moved between his legs. He heard the familiar tear of a condom wrapper and soon felt the blunt head of Evan’s cock pressed against his slicked up hole.  
  
Evan pushed forward painfully slowly. John held his breath as he tried to focus on relaxing his muscles and allowing the intrusion. When the head of Evan’s cock was past the first ring of muscle he grunted in relief.  
  
“Almost there,” Evan muttered as he rubbed John’s back reassuringly. “God, you’re so fucking tight.”  
  
It went in smother after that. The feeling of Evan’s cock filling his ass, inch by inch, was unbelievable. John could barely believe it was really happening. When Lorne was fully sheathed inside John he stopped moving to give him time to adjust. John clenched experimentally, getting used to the feeling of another man inside him.  
  
“That feels amazing,” John mumbled into his arm.  
  
Evan huffed out a laugh. “Just you wait. How’s this feel? Ok?” He pulled out a couple of inches, his shaft sliding easily within John’s hole, before pushing back in.  
  
“Awesome,” John said, his eyes watering again.  
  
Evan repeated the motion several times before he started to pull out a little more each time. Within minutes he was pulling out almost the whole way, leaving only the head inside John.  
  
John couldn’t believe how good it felt. He’d never been able to understand how guys found this pleasurable but now here he was, with some other guy buried in his ass, and so hard it bordered on pain. His fingers were digging painfully into his own forearms and he couldn’t help the grunts of pleasure escaping his lips as rhythmically as Lorne’s thrusts.  
  
“Faster,” he said in no more than a growl.  
  
Evan picked up the pace a little, but as far as John was concerned, it still wasn’t enough. John tried pushing backwards to meet his thrusts and push him in further, but it wasn’t quite working. John wanted to scream when he stopped moving completely.  
  
“What are you doing?” John asked, sounding whineier than he intended.  
  
“I wanna turn you over. That ok?”  
  
“Sure.” John had to assume Evan knew what he was doing and just went along with it. Evan grabbed some pillows from the head of the bed and placed them under John, before pulling his cock out completely. John hummed contentedly at the pleasant drag of Evan’s cock head passing his opening again. Evan guided him onto his back and angled his hips upwards using the pillows, easing his cock back in when they were both comfortable. Evan studied John’s face carefully and John just stared back.  
  
The difference in angle was unbelievable. As Evan’s cock slid back in it grazed what John assumed was his prostate, sending a wave of pleasure through his whole body. He trembled slightly and muttered, “Jesus Christ.”  
  
“What I tell ya?” Evan grinned and he continued to fill John’s ass. John pressed curiously on his stomach. Evan’s cock was in so deep he felt like he could feel it on the outside.  
  
It didn’t take long for Evan’s rhythm to pick up again, nailing John’s prostate with each thrust. He knew he could come from just that, without even touching his cock, but he wanted this to last as long as possible. Each thrust pushed him further up the bed and he locked his ankles behind Evan’s back to hold himself in place. Evan just pumped harder.  
  
At some point John had closed his eyes, losing himself to his senses. The pleasure pulsing through him was unrelenting and his mind started to wonder. For the first time he allowed himself to think of McKay and that yeah, he really wanted to do this with him. He thought about locking with Rodney’s bright blue eyes and they fucked hard and fast on Rodney’s desk. Or biting the back of Rodney’s neck as he fucked him against a Puddle Jumper when no one was around. Or feeling Rodney’s body completely cover his own as he fucked him lazily in his quarters. Or Rodney’s hands in his hair as they…  
  
John was dragged back to reality with a yell as he came hard over his chest. He looked up at Lorne in surprise and glanced at his cock twitching uselessly between them.  
  
“Fucking perfect,” Lorne gasped. He collapsed forward so their chests were touching, smearing John’s come over them both. After a few more thrusts, Lorne stilled and John felt his cock pulsing inside him as his ass was filled with come.  
  
When the aftershocks had passed, Lorne rolled onto his back so they were lying side by side. They lay for several minutes without speaking, their heavy breathing the only sound.  
  
Later, as John got dressed and stood up to leave he couldn’t help grinning at the pleasant burn in his ass. He knew he’d be feeling it for the next day or two and it sent a thrill through his whole body.  
  
“I’m glad I stayed,” he said genuinely.  
  
Lorne snorted. “Christ, so am I. I thought you were hot before, but now? Fuck, how will I ever get any work done?”  
  
John grinned. He hesitated before adding, “You won’t…uh.”  
  
“Tell anyone? That’s the rule right?” Lorne said, rolling his eyes. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell Doctor McKay you yelled his name when you came.”  
  
John froze. “Oh God, I didn’t, did I? Lorne, I’m so sorry!”  
  
Lorne just smiled and put a hand on John’s shoulder. “Relax. I told you, I knew how hung up you are on the guy.”  
  
“Thanks,” John said with a wry smile, as the door slid open, “Let’s do this again some time.”  
  
Lorne nodded slowly. “Definitely. Bye Colonel.”  
  
“See ya Major.”  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Note:  
> http://scorchedangel.tumblr.com/post/86340790758/so-about-that-thing-i-wrote


End file.
